FROM: Disgaea/The Internet

Etna Googles herself out of curiosity and is overwhelmed by the sheer volume of fan art that depicts her getting it on with giant enemy crabs for massive damage. Horrified, she closes the browser window and opens her email, only to unwittingly open an attachment that instantly sends all of her personal information to Latvian gangsters. Her identity is stolen, transactions are made and her credit rating is so badly ruined that even her suicidal army of Prinnies leaves her.

She spends the next 20 years in front of the Dark Assembly, arguing unsuccessfully that the internet is a series of tubes and as such should be filled with acid until such time as it's been "purged." She loses the court battle, but goes on to live a full and happy life. The internet wins - but at what cost?

FROM: The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction/Mortal Kombat series

WHOAHHHH, CHINESE NINJA WARRIOR
WITH YOUR HEART SO COLD
SUB-ZEERRROOOOOOOOO
WHOOAHHHHHH, YOUR LIFE IS A MYSTERY
WHY DO YOU WEAR THE…
MASK?
SUB-ZEEEEEERROOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(If you don't get the reference we just made, watch this video for about 40 seconds)

Yeah, you know what? We're just going to go ahead and give this one to the Hulk, thanks.

FROM: The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction/The internet

PUNY INTERNET RICKROLL HULK. PUNY INTERNET PHOTOSHOP HULK'S FACE ONTO HORRIBLE STRETCHED-ANUS PHOTOS. PUNY INTERNET SPAM COMMENT SECTION OF HULK'S BLOG WITH ADS FOR WEBCAM PORN. HULK SMASH PUNY INTERNET! RARRRRGHH! HULK SMASH PUNY PLANET!

HULK TYPE THIS IN COLD VACUUM OF SPACE!

ABOVE: HULK FINALLY FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE WEBCAM! HULK ALSO NOT WEARING PANTS.

HOW YOU READ THIS? HOW HULK POST THIS? HULK NOT KNOW. HULK NOT CARE. HULK ONLY CARE THAT HULK STRONGEST. HULK WIN!

Huh, so the Hulk won? Does that... Does he even count as a... he does? Really?

Well, shit.

So it looks like we're all dead then, seeing as Hulk smashed the planet and all. And the internet doesn't exist anymore, so we're all out of a job and you're not actually reading this right now. But don't worry, we'll probably all be brought back to life in a few issues, when it's revealed Hulk actually destroyed Shadow Earth-127 or whatever. In the meantime, Hulk is our...

Jul 3, 2008